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Action Tag Sample:
Spider's appearance from the recent Fourth Wall Event

Third Person Prose Sample:
Spider Jerusalem made his way down the streets of The City towards his lofty apartment in the Print District. It had been a long day visiting the Reservations, and the sun was already setting behind the City's skyscrapers as he turned onto Lebensraum Street for the long trek up north. He thought about hailing a cab, but held off. It'd be another eight blocks before they'd stop in this neighborhood, even for him.

"Hey, aren't you Spider Jerusalem?"

The noise came from in front and to his right. Spider had been staring at a billboard for the local African fast food chain and thinking that he could go for a monkey burger. Thus he somehow failed to see the five overweight men approaching him, all dressed in sequined jumpsuits, their hair fashioned in black pompadours. The one in the white jumpsuit (the rest were in other colors) was apparently the one who had addressed him, and he spoke again as the group approached.

"It is you, isn't it? What a stroke of good fortune." The five men quickly surrounded Spider before he could make a break for it. "Brother Spider, this is your lucky day! I am Bishop Aaron of the First Reformed Church of Elvis Triumphant, and we want you to know that the King is coming back!"

Oh, fuck me, thought Spider. "You guys don't watch the news much, do you?" he asked. "Didn't you see what happened at the Religion Convention last week? Did you see what happened when *I* happened at that convention, and the resultant damage?"

"We did indeed, Brother Spider, and we took the fact that your path of rage left our booth unscathed as a Sign from Above! Your public conversion to the One True Church will help set this City on the right path! All you need is a sequined jumpsuit and-"

"Sorry," interrupted Spider, "not interested. I said the same thing to your brethren last week. The skinny ones in the leather..."

"Heretics!" cried the Bishop. "They are splitters and backsliders, followers of a Premature Elvis. The First Church, aka the TRUE Church, follow the Wide and Bountiful King!"

"...the one who died on the Throne, you mean?"

"Blasphemy!" cried the other Elvi. The Bishop took up the call. "The King Can Never Die! ANy rumors to the contrary are nothing more than vicious lies spread by the enemies of the Church! Any historian of Rock will tell you that the Toilet Gnosis is an especially horrid heresy, a favorite of those who have fallen to the Four British Devils: John the Smart, Paul the Cute, George the Quiet, and Ringo the-"

"Enough of you!" interrupted Spider. "I so do not have time for this shit..." He pulled out what looked to be a bright blue pistol with a dial on the side and fired a quick burst of shots at the Bishop's followers. They each went down in a heap, screaming in pain. Spider then turned his weapon on the Bishop, turning the dial as he did so. A tinny computer voice came from the gun: "SETTING: BURNING ANAL GEYSER." Spider smiled and addressed the Bishop.

"This, my dear 'Bishop,' is a Bowel Disruptor. And you are just full of shit." He fired at the startled Bishop Aaron; the beam hit the jumpsuited pastor in the stomach, and down he went like a ton of bricks. A dark stain began to form on the Bishop's not-so-white-anymore jumpsuit as he writhed on the sidewalk.

"But not for long."

Spider holstered his illegal (but fortunately untraceable) weapon and walked down the street. Mild applause broke out from the crowd behind him, but the applause died quickly when the smell from the fallen Elvises hit them. Spider smiled and walked on.

"Messianic fuckheads are a superstitious, cowardly lot," he said to himself, "and I do so enjoy striking fear into their hearts..."


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June 2013


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